By Shannon Choe, Premier Baby Conceirge
for Traditional Medicinals

When expecting their first child, many new parents feel apprehensive about, or even overwhelmed by, the responsibilities of caring for a newborn and all of the new territory and changes they know are on the way!  The stakes are high:  parents-to-be often want everything to be perfect or feel pressured by others’ expectations.  But “seasoned” parents, who are expecting a second child, now experienced in all that comes with having an infant, and whose lives already changed drastically to center around a child, can nevertheless be just as nervous.  This time, however, they worry about preparing themselves and their first born for their new sibling.  Here are a few tips to help ease this transition: 

• Lay groundwork in months prior to the big introduction.  Taking into consideration your child’s style when dealing with change or new situations and developmental ability to understand time and that a baby is on the way, decide when and how to share the news. 

• Depending on the age of your child, be prepared for any reaction: excitement, disinterest, sadness, and questions about where babies come from.

• Give the big bro or sis time to adjust to the idea; don’t force conversations about it, but encourage them to express their feelings, both positive and negative.  Go with the “power of positive thinking” approach: project confidence.  But if your child voices concerns, actively listen and respond appropriately. 

• It is key to involve the new big brother or sister wherever you can in preparations, so they can develop some excitement around this change and “ownership" of the baby.

• Create opportunities for your first-born to be a part of the pregnancy by coming to doctor’s appointments and counting down to your due date, and to get ready for the baby by preparing the nursery.

• Let them know what to expect of each stage and help them to imagine some of the ways life will change once baby arrives. 

• Assure them that although lots of things will be different, your love won’t be.  Let them know now and tell and show them again and again once baby arrives that they are loved and special and not being replaced.  Remember that life as the only child is all they’ve ever known.  This is a huge adjustment.

• There are lots of great books and activities to help prepare for a sibling and even Big Brother and Sister Preparation classes at local hospitals and birth centers.  Utilize all of the parenting resources around you to ease this transition.

• Celebrate the big sibling.  Some people will give the Big Brother or Sister a meaningful gift or throw them their own shower.  As always, your child would rather be showered with your attention, rather than gifts, so plan creative ways to celebrate them. 

• Once baby arrives, let your first born know that although the baby gets lots of attention, your world doesn’t completely revolve around the baby.  Let your first born hear you telling the baby that it’s their big sibling’s turn.  “Alright baby, I’ll be right there.  I’m just finishing this book with your big brother and then I can change your diaper.”  Your newborn won’t recall crying for a few minutes, but your oldest will definitely internalize this message. 

• Try to have realistic expectations, and adjust them as necessary. Be patient with your first-born, but also with yourselves!